Norml life

I recently started binging and purging again. First times it’s actually been in full swing in like 4 months.

Talked about Ana and Mia in pych today. Honestly almost brought me to tears. My professor described perfectly how im feeling. Im starting to think I need to see a therapist or maybe just talk to her.

I can’t sleep. I took a small hit of acid to try and distract me of everything going on around me. And it worked, I’m just paying for it now. My boyfriend is sleeping next to me and has no idea what’s going on in my fucked up brain. I just realized that he really doesnt know anything about me. And we’ve been together for 2 years now. That’s pretty sad. It’s not his fault though and to be honest no one really knows who I am. I do a pretty good job at pretending . I’ve been going to the gym almost 7 times a week now, and eating no more than 600 calories a day. I’m down to 143 which is a huge accomplishment for me. My worst weight was 168.. Yeah I used to be a fat fuck. I’m hoping by April I will be 130. I don’t want to set it too low that I won’t be able to achieve it so I’m leaving it at that for now. I’ve become obsessive with my image and weight and working out I’m starting to lose who i actually am. Dear god don’t let me drown. My final goal in all this is to reach a good healthy weight and continue exercising. I don’t want to gain it all back in the end. That would suck. I think that’s enough for now. Maybe I won’t wake up…..